


This Is Where I Belong

by daisy_is_always_cold



Series: Marvel Oneshots [11]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:46:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26826082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisy_is_always_cold/pseuds/daisy_is_always_cold
Relationships: Agents of SHIELD Team & Reader, Avengers Team/Reader, Grant Ward/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Series: Marvel Oneshots [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956661
Kudos: 23





	This Is Where I Belong

When Fury called your team into HQ for an important assignment, you weren’t sure what to expect. Now, as you sat in a conference room awaiting the other team that you were supposed to be paired with, you were still in the dark, and you didn’t like it. 

Your feet were on the large table that spanned across most of the room. Skye, resident hacker and best friend sat to your left and Fitz, resident science-y guy and other best friend sat to your right. You were crumpling page after page of the large stack in front of you into little balls and forming a pile of “snow balls” next to it. 

“Would you stop that?” Ward asked from his seat across from you.

“What, Prison Ward-en, does this bother you?” You crumpled another sheet of paper, this time slowly. 

“Yes, yes it does.” 

“Hey, Fitz,” You turned to face him. “What do you call Ward when he converts to Mormonism?” 

“What?” 

“Church Ward!” 

Skye let out a snicker and you crumpled another sheet of paper. 

“Alright, that’s it!” Ward said as he stood up quickly, grabbed some of your paper snow balls and throwing it at you. It hit you smack in the middle of your face. 

“This is war!” You cried as you rose from your seat and fired a shot at his face. You missed. Another one shot towards him and this time, you hit your target. Before you knew it, Skye, Fitz, Simmons, Coulson, and May had joined the fight, crumpling more and more paper, hitting each other. You all hid behind chairs and under the table, and threw as many crumpled pieces of paper as you could.   
You were so focused on taking each other down that neglected to notice when Nick Fury opened the door to the conference room. You were so focused on taking each other down that you didn’t even notice the Avengers file into the room behind him. 

“Enough!” Fury finally shouted over the raucous you all were causing. Everyone froze. “You are agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.! I should not have to break up a...whatever this is! I expect better from you all! Sit your asses down, we’ve got work to do!” 

There was a collective mumble of apologies as the members of your team sat down with an air of shame about them. You, however, did not apologize, and your feet were back up on the table as soon as your “ass” hit the chair. And there was a collective look of shock on the Avengers’ faces. 

Sure, some of that had to do with the fact that Coulson was alive and sitting right in front of them, but a good portion of their surprise centered around you. You’d left the Avengers over a year ago after a series of very badly handled situations, and you never looked back. They, however, had spent months searching for you after you disappeared from the face of the earth only to come up with nothing. But there you were, sitting in front of them, up to all of your usual shenanigans. 

“Get your feet off of my table.” Fury spoke to you. 

“It’s good to see you too, oh great father of mine.” You flashed him a grin. The others did their best to digest what you had just said, and what it implied, as Fury sighed and turned to the giant screen. The Avengers finally took seats at the large table when he began to speak. 

“You’ve got a mission.” He said. “This is very important, so important that I’m bringing together the two best teams I’ve got. Now, I know that there are a lot of unspoken issues here that need to be resolved, and I advise that you work through those before you leave in the morning.” He continued on to explain details of the mission and you zoned out for the most part. Your eyes drifted from the faces of your teammates to those of your former teammates. As far as you were aware, this combination was a ticking time bomb that could go off at any moment, and you were pretty sure that Fury knew this too. 

“(Y/N), pay attention!” he snapped at you. Ward snickered at you and you stuck out your tongue in response. Fury scowled at the both of you before returning to the mission at hand. He informed you all that everyone would be flying out on the Bus in two hours. When he finally finished speaking, you were the first to get up. You saluted Fury and sauntered out of the room. As soon as you turned around the corner, you bolted to the Bus before anyone could catch you. 

Your relaxed facade had successfully lasted through the meeting, but it broke as soon as you were free. The last thing that you wanted to do was spend any time with the Avengers. Your face dropped and you tried not to cry. 

Your time with them had been...horrible, to say the least. Their refusal to trust you made it impossible for you to be a part of the team. You had no intent of ever seeing the so-called “heroes” ever again, but here they were, and here you were. There was no escape. 

You sat in your bunk, blasting music through your earbuds in an attempt to maintain some sense of sanity. You watched out the window as workers prepared the Bus for takeoff and worked on other projects in the giant garage. You got lost in your thoughts and music and time passed faster than you were aware of. 

When May tapped on your shoulder to get your attention, you were surprised at how much time had passed. You’d managed to stop crying, but you were sure that you didn’t look very good. 

“I could use a copilot.” May spoke. 

“No, you don’t.” You stated with disbelief in your voice. 

“Yes, I need someone to be far away from everyone else on this plane. You seem like the right person for the job.” 

“Fine.” You said as you got up and followed her to the front of the plane. You sat down next to her as she prepared for take-off. As soon as the plane was in the air, she turned her attention to you. 

“Fury’s your father?” She asked. 

“Adopted.” You said. “After he found me, he wanted me to join S.H.I.E.L.D., but the government was going to send me into foster care. He had to adopt me so that he could take me in. It’s nothing more than a legal thing, I just like to hold it over his head.” 

“Ahh. And your struggles with the Avengers?”

“Something I’d not like to relive. I hoped I’d never see them again.” 

There was silence again. May wasn’t one for talking, and to be honest, you were surprised that she’d even held up that much of a conversation with you in the first place. Usually, you found silence uncomfortable; you preferred loud and exciting settings, but right now, it was welcoming. It was hours before May spoke again. 

“I need to go talk to Coulson, could you take over for a little while?” 

“Sure.” You replied and shifted into her seat. You enjoyed flying, it was one of the few technical things that you were capable of. Most of your talent surrounding your presence at S.H.I.E.L.D. was your abilities. You had the ability to manipulate energy as well as telekinesis. When you’d joined Coulson’s team, you’d immediately begun training with May to improve your combat skills, and now, you were pretty sure that you had a solid enough base to be able to defend yourself if the circumstance ever arose where you couldn’t use your powers. 

Your eyes focused on the sky in front of you and you hardly noticed when May returned. She sat down in the seat next to you, and watched your intense focus for a few moments before she broke it. 

“Fitz and Simmons want you in the lab, they think they’ve created a suit that can handle your energy.”

You got up from your seat quietly and let her take over again. 

“Hey May,” You said softly before turning to leave, “thanks. I really need this.” 

“You’re welcome.” She gave you a small smile, something you almost never say from her. 

You followed the path down to the lab, praying that you wouldn’t run into anyone along the way. For once, luck was on your side, and you made it to the lab without any awkward encounters. 

“Oh, good! You’re here!” Simmons said as she dropped the tablet she was working on. “Come over here, I’ve got the suit for you to put on. I hope this one works.” 

“As do I.” You smiled. You’d had some trouble with suits before; when you let your energy take over, you often burned through whatever you were wearing. Fitz and Simmons had made it their goal to find something that worked. Sixteen attempts later, they had yet to create a suit you didn’t burn completely. Perhaps the seventeenth attempt would yield promising results. You excused yourself to change into the new suit. It fit you well, and you liked the material, whatever it was.

You let the yellow energy envelop your hand and forearm first, and when the suit seemed to hold up, you let it spread up your arm and throughout the rest of your body. 

“I think it’s working!” Fitz cried and you laughed. Simmons was focused on writing down her observations. 

“Well, that’s new.” A new voice spoke. You turned your head to see none other than Tony Stark. You powered down quickly.   
“Stark.” 

“It’s good to see you too, (Y/N).” He smiled. 

You turned your attention back to Simmons, “This should work. We’ll know for sure after a mission.” You paused. “Thanks, Jemma.”

“Hey! I helped too!” Fitz cried. 

“Thank you, too, Leo.” You laughed. “I’m gonna go take this off.” 

When you returned to the lab, Tony was already completely immersed in conversation with the other two. They were discussing the details of the tech for the mission. You placed your suit on one of the tables and headed towards the exit.

“Wait!” Fitz called. “I built a new Icer model. I don’t trust Ward to test it after the last time. Y’know, the whole ‘drop the ounce’ thing?” 

“I can’t believe he really thought it was just a dummy round!” Simmons laughed. 

“Shows you how much of dumbass he really is.” You shrugged. “I’ll try it.” You caught Tony watching you intently as Fitz handed you the gun.

“Oh, I like this.” You said, trying it out. “And, you really did drop the ounce!” 

“Yeah, I made it smaller so it’s easier to conceal.” 

“And I refined the dendrotoxin formula!” 

“I like it.” You smiled at a satisfied Fitz. 

“What’s an Icer?” Tony finally spoke. 

Both Fitz and Simmons launched into explanations in great detail, talking over each other so that no one could hear any of what they were saying. 

“It’s a gun with bullets that knock people out instead of leaving bullet wounds. It’s quite effective.” You spoke over the two scientists.

“Interesting.”

You were saved from more awkward conversation when Coulson called everyone up to talk tactics for this mission. You took your usual spot around the giant screen. 

“Alright, you all know our goal: take over the systems in this HYDRA base, collect every piece of data we can, and then blow it to shreds.” Coulson started. “We’ll split into teams. Ward, (Y/L/N), and Romanoff, you’ll go in through the back entrance, which should be clear. Get to the first computer you can find, and plug this,” he held up a flash drive, “into the system. It should take about ten minutes for it to do its job, and as soon as you’ve got everything you need, you let the others know and get clear of the building. The rest of you serve mostly as a distraction. Rogers, Barton, and Skye, you’re going to head to the west wing, where prisoners are held. Get them out as fast as you can and lead them out to the jet that will be waiting for you there. Stark and May, you’re with me. We’re going to make as much noise as we can.” 

“What about us, sir?” Fitz spoke up. 

“Fitz, Simmons, and Banner, you’ll be here, monitoring comms and helping in any other way necessary. Once everyone is clear of the building,” he turned to you, “(Y/N), that’s your cue.” 

You nodded quickly. 

“Any questions?” 

“What exactly is (Y/N) going to do?” Steve asked. 

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Coulson smiled. 

After everyone parted to prepare for the mission, you headed back to the lab to grab your suit. Fitz was showing Ward the new Icer when you arrived. 

“(Y/N) already tested it. She said it’s perfect.” Fitz stated, smugness evident in his voice. “So there’s no need for any suggestions.”   
You caught Ward rolling his eyes. You pulled your suit from the spot you’d left it. 

“They built another model?” Ward asked. 

“Yep. From the little we tested it, it just might work.” You smiled. 

“Let’s hope it does. We don’t want a repeat of what happened in Russia.” 

“No, we would not.” 

“What happened in Russia?” Somehow Stark had appeared again. 

“Nothing that needs to be repeated.” You said before turning to exit the room, your voice cold. 

“You know we’re on the same team, right?” He spoke as you turned away. 

“Yeah, I know that, but do you?” The others looked confused as you mumbled the words, your demeanor fallen. You exited without another sound. 

**FLASHBACK**(idk how to do italics on here)

It was your fourth month with the Avengers and you still had yet to go on a mission. Steve insisted that there needed to be a sense of trust between you and the others before he’d let you go on a mission. You completely understood; it made sense that, in a job that’s often life-threatening, you need to have some semblance of trust with the people you’re working with. But as much as you tried to get the others to trust you, they hardly even spoke to you. 

You stopped attending the weekly movie nights after the second one ended with Clint’s passive aggressive comments. You stopped eating with the others after an argument with Steve about your lack of mission that everyone seemed to want to weigh in on. And right now was the moment where you were giving up completely. 

You’d told Fury that it was a bad idea to begin with. There was no way that any of the Avengers were ever going to trust a former HYDRA agent. But no matter how much you argued with him, he refused to hear it. He thought that the team full of misfits was the perfect place for you. He was wrong. 

Finally, after four months, he agreed; this wasn’t the place for you. You’d gotten your new assignment and were leaving on Monday. You just had to make it to Monday. 

Your stomach growled and you headed down to the kitchen to get something to eat. You’d gotten so good at avoiding the others that you didn’t even stop to think when you entered the kitchen. 

“Look who finally decided to show her face.” Tony said from his spot at the table. And you realized you had made a grave mistake. You’d been so distracted that you hadn’t realized that the others would be eating dinner right now. And now, there was no escape. 

“M’just getting some food and then I’ll be out of your hair.” You mumbled. 

“Why don’t you join us?” Steve suggested. 

In that moment, you completely panicked. You couldn’t come up with any excuses as to why you couldn’t join them for a meal that would certainly end in your funeral. When Steve pulled up a chair for you, you sat in it, because you didn’t know what else to do. Someone handed you a plate and you put a small amount of food on it, hoping that if you ate quickly, you could live. You’d barely taken a bite when Tony spoke. 

“So, talked to any of your old HYDRA buddies lately?” 

“I don’t have any HYDRA buddies.” You muttered. 

“Really, because as a prominent member of an organization full of Nazis, I’m pretty sure you had to have some buddies.”   
You dropped your fork. “You know what, I’m done.” You pushed your chair away from the table and got up. 

“Embarrassed about your past, huh? I would be to, if I were you. Not much to be proud of.” 

And that was when you broke. All of your anger over every comment, every glare, every scoff, and every single thing that the Avengers had done came out at that moment. 

“No, Tony. No, I’m not fucking embarrassed that I had a choice to join HYDRA or to watch everyone I know die. I’m not fucking embarrassed that I was tortured for years until I, a teenager, broke. I’m not fucking embarrassed that I became their goddamn puppet because they tore away everything good from me. And I’m not fucking embarrassed that they killed my sister when I finally broke free. I’m not embarrassed, I’m angry, and I’m hurt, and I’m sad.” Fat, angry tears rolled down your face. “I don’t know why Fury thought it was a good idea to bring me here.” You shook your head and left the room. 

As soon as you reached your own, you locked the door and fell back against it, your tears falling quickly. You texted Fury: 

(Y/N): I can’t make it until Monday. Can you send a Quinjet tonight?

It only took seconds for him to reply: 

Fury: It’ll be there in an hour. Is everything okay?   
(Y/N): No.   
Fury: I’ll see you soon, okay?  
(Y/N): Yeah, see you soon. 

When you left, you didn’t leave a note. You didn’t speak another word to the people that had brought you nothing but pain. You stayed with Fury for a few days before he sent you to your new assignment: a team of agents lead by Phil Coulson. There, you got to be honest about your powers and you got to be who you were. You never looked back. 

**END FLASHBACK**

When you returned to the lab, now in your new suit, the others had gathered to get their Icers for the mission. Fitz handed you two of the new model and a couple extra rounds. You thanked him and grabbed an earpiece before heading over to Ward. 

“You got the flash drive?” You asked.

“No, Coulson wants to give it to you.”

“Why? You’re usually the one who carries the important stuff.” 

“Who knows why Coulson does what he does.” Ward sighed. “I’m glad we got paired with Romanoff. She’s good.” 

“So are we.” You muttered. 

“What exactly do you have against the Avengers?” 

“I guess you could say we don’t have the best communication skills.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

“You’re right, I didn’t.” You spoke before heading over to Coulson. “Ward says you want me to have the flash drive?” 

“Yep.” Coulson stated, “You’ve got this, right? You’re not going to let them get into your head?” 

“I doubt Romanoff will even speak to me. And I’ve got Ward if I need him.” 

“I was talking about HYDRA. What if someone tries to restart your programming?” 

“Like I said, I’ve got Ward.” There was a pause. “If he can’t stop them from gaining control, he knows to take me out.” 

“(Y/N), there are other ways to-” 

“Coulson, I’ve only gotten more powerful since I broke free from their control. If they get me back under their spell, I might become unstoppable. I need him to stop me when he can, if that happens. I don’t want any more deaths on my hands.” 

“I’m not going to give the order.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

“I’m not going to let you die!” Coulson said a little too loudly. The others began to notice your conversation. 

“Coulson, if they get control of me again, it’s a question of my death or thousands of others. You know that as well as I do.”

“I’m not going to let you sacrifice yourself.” 

“Just promise me, if they take control, you’ll do it.” You pleaded. 

“I will make the call I think is best.” He said. “That’s my promise.” 

“Fine.” You sighed. “Can I have the stupid flash drive now?”

Coulson handed it to you and the others watched as you left the lab, heading to to anywhere but there. You landed in the main area where you sat down for a moment to refocus your attentions. This was all getting out of hand. HYDRA, the Avengers, you weren’t sure how much more you could take. 

When the plane finally hit the ground, you got up from your seat, and headed to the rest of the group. Coulson repeated the assignments once more before you parted ways. It didn’t take long for you, Ward, and Natasha to reach the back entrance. Coulson’s claim that it would be clear was proven incorrect, not that it was any problem for Natasha to take out the two men who stood in front of the door. The three of you made it into the building without encountering any trouble, you made it into a lab and plugged the flash drive into the nearest computer you could find. You stood next to the machine and tapped your foot anxiously. 

“Come on, come on, come on.” You whispered. Natasha and Ward stood watch while you counted down the moments until the program was finished. It was in the last minute that you ran into trouble, or rather, it ran into you. The alarms began to blare loudly and a group of HYDRA agents appeared in seconds. It seemed that your team mates had done their jobs, perhaps a little too well.

Immediately, the three of you began to take them down. It didn’t take too long to take them out, and by the time they were down, the program had finished its job. You grabbed it and rushed into the hallway with Natasha and Ward in tow. More HYDRA agents surrounded you and you weren’t sure how you were going to get through all of them. You took out as many as you could, as did the others, but it seemed there was no end. 

“Get down!” You yelled to the other two. As soon as they ducked, you sent out a wave of energy that knocked out the agents currently standing. The three of you bolted as soon as it was clear. 

“We’re clear of the building.” Natasha spoke to the others through the comm system. “Let us know when you are.” 

“We’re clear.” You heard May call. 

“Almost there,” Steve said, a little too loudly, “We need another minute or two.” 

You waited impatiently. You wanted out as soon as you could. 

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” You heard a voice behind you. When you turned, you came face to face with none other than Sunil Bakshi. 

“Bakshi.” You muttered, preparing to attack. Your hands lit up with bright, yellow energy. 

“(Y/N), take a deep breath. Calm your mind. You know what is best,” 

“That’s enough!” Ward cried, raising his Icer to Bakshi’s face. 

“What is best is you comply.” Bakshi spoke. 

You shook your head, trying to clear the words from your mind. 

“Compliance will be rewarded.” Bakshi continued. Before he could speak another word, Natasha shot him in the chest with her Icer. 

“You okay?” She turned her attentions to you. 

“Yeah,” you mumbled, your mind still fuzzy. “I think I’m okay.” 

“Next time, just shoot him.” She spoke to Ward and you couldn’t help but smirk. 

“We’re all clear!” You heard through the comms.

“Alright, time to work my magic.” You turned back to look at the building. You compressed as much energy into a ball as you could before launching it towards the building. It only took seconds for it to explode. 

When the Bus landed back at HQ, you, and all of the others, were immediately led to the same conference room you’d found yourself in before. 

“Congratulations,” Fury said, the smallest smile on his face, “on your first mission together, of many.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” You spoke. 

“The intel you successfully attained today is what we need to completely dismantle HYDRA. I’m putting these two teams together to complete what is necessary to take them out, for good.” 

There was a pause. 

“But this can’t happen unless you all can work together. You need to work through every issue you have, right now. None of you are leaving this room until all of your conflicts are resolved.” He turned to leave. “Oh, and please, keep it civil.” 

As soon as the door closed, and locked, the most awkward of silences fell over the room. 

“Were you ever going to tell us that you light up?” Stark was the one who finally broke it. 

“If it was necessary.” You shrugged. 

“And you didn’t tell us because…?” 

“It wasn’t necessary.” 

Silence slithered into the air again. 

“Look, I’m not proud of what HYDRA gave me, of what they made me, but since leaving the Avengers, I’ve come to terms with that part of my life. I’ve worked through it and my feelings about my experience. That also meant accepting my powers, which I have done. I hadn’t yet when I was with you, and your attitude towards me didn’t help.” 

“What, you mean our distrust in a former HYDRA agent?” 

“Tony.” Steve warned. 

“No, Steve, let him speak.” You stood up. “If he’s got something he wants to say, he can say it.”

“I. Don’t. Trust. You.” Tony stood. “There, I said it.” 

“Well, it’s a good thing that I don’t trust you either.” 

“You were HYDRA. You tried to kill us. What could have possibly made you switch sides?!” He cried. “Nothing. That’s my point. It’s all just a ruse.” 

Your voice changed, from anger to something different as you spoke, “Have you ever heard of the Faustus method?” Silence. “It’s different than the code words used on the Winter Soldier, but it’s the same basic idea.” This caused the Avengers to perk up. They knew the Winter Soldier, and they were working hard to turn him back into Bucky Barnes. “Hypnosis, mental reprogramming, the usual. That’s what HYDRA decided was the best way to crack me when I refused to comply.” You spat out the last word as if it were poison. “When you’ve kept your eyes open for days without blinking, it’s so hard not to give in. And when you do, you can’t help but feel content. Your compliance doesn’t have to be rewarded with things, just a simple ‘Well done!’ from your handler, and you feel as though your life has been complete.” You paused. “I spent an entire year trying to break through their programming. And even then, I still wanted to listen, to perform the tasks Bakshi ordered me to. That’s what I tried to kill you, Stark.” 

You sat down in your chair, defeated. 

“So, you were brainwashed?” Steve asked. 

“Yeah,” 

“How’d you break free?” 

“They had my sister.” 

“They gave you your power?” Natasha questioned.

“Yeah, they wanted a weapon stronger than anything the world had seen.” 

“Did they succeed?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Things got more civil after that, for the most part. Understanding that your situation with HYDRA had been similar to Bucky’s put things in perspective for the others, and they were able to deal with their feelings towards you in a much more adult-like way.

Your next mission was a success, and so was the one after that. You were starting to get comfortable with the Avengers, and they, in turn were beginning to trust you. 

It took almost two full years to take down every last piece of HYDRA, but when you finally did, you were all practically jumping for joy. 

It came time to say goodbye to the Avengers; they had their tower to return to, and the Bus was way too crowded when it was more than just Coulson’s team. 

“You could come with us, you know?” Steve said to you. 

“Nah, I like it here.” You looked back at your team members. “This is where I belong.” 

“Don’t think you’ve seen the last of us, (Y/L/N).” Barton called. 

“Trust me, I know better than that, now.” 

“Goodbye!” The others called as you turned and walked into the Bus. 

“Where to, boss?” May asked Coulson. 

“The Midwest. We’ve got a mission.” He smiled. 

“Already back to work?” You joked. “We just took down one of our biggest enemies, and we’re already back to work? It hasn’t even been a full 48 hours since the fall of HYDRA!” 

“Welcome to SHIELD, where patience is short and vacation time is shorter.” Ward said. 

“Did you just make a joke? Oh my God, you made a joke! I must really be rubbing off on you! Fitz! I got Ward to make a joke!”

“I’m regretting my previous statement now.” Ward sighed, but you could still see a small smirk on his face. 

“Oh no, you can’t take it back now!”

“You’re the worst.” 

“Whatever you say, Prison Ward. Your insults don’t affect me now! I am invincible because I got Grant Ward to make a joke!” You laughed as he shoved you playfully. 

“I am the queen of the universe!” You cried.

“No, you’re the queen of being a pain in my ass.” 

“So you admit I’m a queen.” 

“No, I didn’t--” 

“Ward thinks I’m a queen.” 

“No, I don--”

“I always knew I would make a good queen.” You laughed. “And you can’t tell me otherwise, ya big dumb idiot.”


End file.
